One Up on the Man

Well, I got my renewal for my automobile registration yesterday and I usually mail it in because I don't like to stand in line for an hour with 100 other happy people. "Golly", I exclaim, the county records building is only ten blocks away, "I can just walk down there and take care of it in person, and I'll save a buck in the process".

"Emily!", you cry, "you'll drop a buck tip on a $3 shot, why would you walk 10 blocks to save one". Well, maybe if it's a cute bartender, but that's an investment, not an expense. I'll tell you why.

I gathered up all my stuff and set off for the Records Building. As I'm walking up Elm Street, I pass El Centro. Bonus, I can get registration materials for the Spanish class I'm going to take in the spring. Soon, I'm at my destination. Now the fun begins.

I need to preface this with a theory I have about public servants. Their jobs are so thankless and boring that the only pleasure they can get from them is by making other people miserable, too. The fun comes with preventing them for doing that.

Auto registration is clearly marked with signage as you enter the building. At least if you can read, which all public servants are convinced you cannot. So the first thing you do is stick you head into the first open door and inquire meekly, "Can you tell me where I get that little sticker thingy that goes on my windshield?" "You mean your vehicle registration sticker they reply hautily?" "Yes", I reply meekly. "Down that hall."

Heh. The scent of fresh prey is in the air. The entire building vibrates in anticipation.

So, as I expected, the place is pretty empty at 10 am. No one in their right mind would drive downtown to do this and there are only about 3500 residents downtown and half of them don't have cars.

I walk up to the first manned window. "May I help you?", she intones, the predatory smile intended to put me at ease for the kill. "Yes, I'm here to renew my ... vehicle registration..." I proudly announce. "Do you have your Vehicle Registration Renewal Notice?" As I rummage through my belongings, I note an almost imperceptible growl emanating from behind the cage. "Oh!, is this it?" The growl abruptly stops. "Yes, that's it, hand it here, please."

When she sees that I've only handed her one page, a look of smug satisfaction starts in one corner of her mouth. "Do you have your Proof Of Insurance?" The look of horror that passed across my face must have been particularly convincing because she was now virtually bursting with the anticipation of warm blood. "Oh!... oh, wait, yes!, here it is." I swear, I think she visibly shrank. "$53.80, please." "Umm, I'm sorry, don't I save a dollar by paying here?" Tee hee. Mission accomplished.

It's going to be cold here today, a good day for revenge.